The beautiful highs I experienced yesterday are being met with equal disappointment today. After doing so much work on building a new relationship with myself and food, last night I had a lapse of judgement. I let my minds desire outweigh the wisdom of my soul. To put this in perspective, I’ve been training myself not to eat any food after 630pm. There are a myriad of reasons why that I won’t get into but let’s just say when I follow this guideline everything works better for me. Emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. I must admit I felt a little defeated, like I betrayed myself, my soul and Mark (my husband). In the past, after a backstep like this, I would just continue down the rabbit hole until I made myself sick and then start over again.
Giving in to my self-limiting behaviors is no longer an option.
I am determined to continuously cut through the illusions my mind presents and stay the course. I know that this destructive tendency is part of my old script which wasn’t even my real story. My awareness of how much my self-deceit affects my relationships with my soul and with Mark just can’t be ignored. I know what I need to accomplish. Today I am making the important decision to burn away the lies once again and listen to the pure voice of my soul sing. This is a lifelong journey and some days I listen with ease while other days are more challenging. Either way, I promise myself that I will always do my best and never give up. Continuing to purify and nourish is what I must do. For me, my soul and my intimate relationships.
Personal transformation is hard. Even with a strong commitment to yourself, there will be times of faltering. It is alright. You are human. Start again. And again and again. No matter how many times you fall, always get up. What would have happened if you had given up learning to feed yourself or walk or use the toilet when it felt too hard? Well, let’s not imagine that. Learning to purify your life, converse with your soul, and nourish your relationships does not happen overnight. With practice, commitment and determination comes small victories. Stay the course and you will always reap the rewards. This adventure is your life. Enjoy the ups and downs of exploration.